Processing Healthy Aggression
+ letting go of your rage
I'm learning that while a lot of us can actually tap into our sadness and sometimes release it, the harder emotion to get friendly with is our rage. And it is prevalent. We don't feel seen, or heard, we have trouble listening to other people's opinions because they feel so threatening to who we are, we swallow our irritability, resentments (big and small), anger, frustration all day long when we watch the news, see injustice, feel overlooked or unsupported. It comes out in funny places like at inanimate objects, the people closest to us, or drivers on the road.
As a society we are pretty pent up and this isn't going to go away with occasional practice. We can’t (and shouldn't) just send it love and light. Healthy aggression is a positive form of expression and one that is vital to our well-being. It takes some daily effort to really make some space. To notice the moments when we are swallowing rather than taking a minute to feel it and express it if need be (even if we need to go sit in our car for a minute to do so).
I could be someone who defaulted to measured and cold. I often held down the fort when things got volatile and didn’t always allow myself to fully express how I was feeling because if other people were doing it then it felt dangerous for me to do so too. But where do we think this all goes? If we do this and don't process it in some way, go for a run afterward, do some pranayama or punch a bag it gets stored in our tissues. Our neck and shoulders get tight. We clench our jaw. Our back aches.
In more than one private Breathwork I've had the person get up off the table and take a yoga mat to my massage table. There were times when I thought they might break it. Screaming in breath work sessions is a big part of the catharsis especially when you’re in a group, able to ride each others waves and siphon off some courage to really let loose. Because we need this. We're full. We need it way more often than we're allowing ourselves. We need release valves.
I used to fantasize a bit about being that fiery woman in the movie who just threw a plate at her lover.. not actually at him, but ya know, just to the right. I wondered what it would feel like to really let loose, a pretty good indication that I was holding something in. And then one day after a particularly bad breakup I went to Goodwill and bought an entire box of plates, took them home, and proceeded to throw one by one at our basement wall. I have to say, it was pretty glorious.
At the heart of it, anger is just energy and like all energy it needs to move. This is a stunning video of a Haka. It’s pretty incredible to watch a group so healthfully expressing aggression and just generally moving some strong life force energy. It brings me to tears every time watching the fullness of their expression.
tools
Here are some ways to let your anger out:
Even if you cannot express it in the moment, put a pin in it for later in the day. We need to actually feel the anger: put it into your gas tank through exercise, boxing, dancing, taking a bat to your bed, or pillow, stomp your feet, practice this release breath, breathe into it, allow yourself to snarl and for your body to move the way it wants.
Another great one is using a tea towel or face towel and slapping a hard surface, making sure you get the good ‘fwap’ or pushing against a wall while you feel into the fullness of just how pissed off you feel. Have the argument with yourself or voice your rage while you do this. Use your voice, use your breath, use your body. Always staying in your body and grounded through your feet while doing this.
Screaming in the car, singing at the top of your lungs. Primal screaming in the woods. Using sound to move it through.
Breathwork. Click here for upcoming events.
Emotional Clearing work.
EFT for conscious reprogramming.
If you’re a Manifestor or Manifesting Generators in Human Design then Anger is your Not Self theme. So when you’re experiencing this it’s important to check in with your Strategy + Authority and see where you may not be living your design. This can also be true for Generators (and MG’s) who’s Not Self is frustration.
Letting go of fear and guilt around feeling angry!
Getting to what’s underneath. What information is it offering you?
Channel it into a chore or activity like cleaning or weeding your garden.
Utilize a flower essence in conjunction with some of the other tools. Also LOVE this one.
Journal. Dump your feelings onto the page. Let it out, no filter, and then burn or shred the papers.
Castor Oil Packs over the liver for clearing stress + anger from the body + much support for the Liver + Wood element in general in This Is The Space.
Take control of what you can and/or shift your perspective.
Check out John Sarno’s work around anger + the mind body connection.
“We have to constantly let go of our pride in order to undo anger, so that we can be grateful for the continual opportunities of growth with which we are presented in the course of everyday experience. To do this, we have to resist the temptation to indulge in making ourselves and others “wrong”. If we look at the “small self” aspect of ourselves, we will see that making ourselves and others “wrong” is one of its favorite activities (eg; politics and the media). This is because the small self is ignorant of better ways to accomplish our goals. It does not see the alternative which is choosing to change a situation out of free choice.”
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